By: Robert J. Escandon MA, C.Ht.
When we think of communication, we instantly think of people around us talking. What are they saying? Or more importantly, what are they really trying to say? The concept of communication sounds simplistic, but in actuality it is one of the most complex things in the world. When people speak to us, there’s a lot happening all at once. There’s the external conversation and then there’s our own internal analysis of the conversation. What I mean by analysis is, while someone is talking to us, we are thinking about many things. We’re thinking either about what the person is saying, what we want to say next, what we did today or what we have to do after this conversation is over. It’s a world of information happening all at once. Let’s face it, sometimes we lose a lot of the conversation and just move on without asking for clarification or for the person to repeat themselves. The good part is, everyone goes through this. As humans, we have been multitasking before the term ever existed.
What is good communication?
Why is communication so important?
Communication is the life force of any good relationship. Without it, there is nothing but a feeling and hope that the person on the other end is a mind reader on some level or another. Communication starts with you, by establishing an Awareness of what your internal communication is. What are you feeling? What is your body trying to communicate with you? These are all important things that for the most part we take for granted. If we can listen to ourselves, we can communicate with ourselves. It’s not all about the external stimulus. It begins inside. In the mind and heart and slowly understanding what we are trying to tell ourselves. A lot of times we listen to people and take nothing away from it. We walk away asking ourselves “what just happened?” What happened is that we were not listening. We were thinking about something. And this is okay, it’s normal and it happens to most people even if they admitted it or not.
To begin, much like in previous discussions, we must establish Awareness of what our internal process is. This awareness will give us a sense of clarity. And if we’re clear, we can definitely communicate better. The internal process for everyone is different. However, everyone has an internal process and that’s the unifying point. Next time you are talking to someone, take a moment and ask yourself what you’re thinking about during the conversation, are you listening?
Or are you thinking about what you’re going to say next? This awareness will give you a sense of control over the yourself and over the conversation. Start off with smaller conversations, like with kids, friends or family before you take this into the business world. Find out if you’re listening to the person or if you’re listening to yourself. Remember, it’s not always about preparing a response, but rather knowing that the right response will come up because you are always ready, whether you’d like to think so or not.
Communication is key to all relationships in our lives. Every word is a clue to understanding not only the person with whom we’re talking to, but understanding ourselves as well.
Personal Note::
Whenever I feel like the person I”m talking to is not really listening, I always say to them, “Goodtalk” Their response is always a brilliant one. They look at me and immediately catch up on our conversation. Perhaps this Goodtalk is a phrase you can incorporate to remind people to fully encage the conversation.